July 31, 2012

Identity

Leah Goren
Those who know me know my explanation-giving of how I’m not Bengali. How my father just changed his surname on a whim in school and stuck to it. People are often surprised when I tell them, insisting that I ‘look’ very Bengali as well. The fact that I work as a communication designer/editor just seals my fate as Bengali. 
I never knew what anyone’s names meant when I was in school. When I got to college (and ever since) everyone wanted to know exactly where I was from if not Bengal. Initially this bothered me. I have no idea why I felt the need to represent my 'true' background so strongly. Maybe because I was asked so often. I used to point out that actually I looked very much like the good people of Kumaon, which is where my mother’s family is from. My father is half Punjabi but there are no identifying features as such, at least on me. I've only recently decided to let people think whatever they wanted based on my surname. I've stopped explaining. I surprise the typical polite conversationalist with my identity (if at all these things can be called my 'identity', and if a person who asks your religious leanings the first time they meet you can be called 'polite'). 
I’m more than these niche categories and attributes and labels. There is a lot of history behind my name, and much that I am proud of, but there is so much beyond a name. I’m a product of my thoughts, and I create my own identity every day. I’m a product of how my parents raised me. How they taught me to think. For myself.
But I guess it isn’t as easy to box me into a category with this sort of vague information. 

13 comments:

  1. Interesting post. At some level every person goes through a phase of self discovery, Those facets don't need to be explained to one and all. Who you are and where you are from are a part of you but not larger than the person you are. My first year in college, I was told I don't sound Indian. I am still trying to understand what does an Indian sound like. Wear who you are with pride and make it count.

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    1. Totally agree. I feel sometimes people get bogged down with smaller details and lose focus on what really counts in getting to know a person.
      There were so many people who were thrilled to meet me when they thought I was Bengali, but lost interest when they found out I wasn't!

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    2. I always wonder if one's last name is their identity? All that we learn throughout life via experiences, books, parties, cultures boil down to a last name? Well what can be said of the norms of a society created by people who are imperfect, but their world apparently is.. PERFECT?!?

      You should be happy you are not ostentatious as a few Bengali's. Your cultural background is the one you believe in.

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    3. I don't think its fair to label one community with any particular trait. That's exactly my point - people hear a name and think an attribute. Much like you just did.

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    4. I don't create stereotypes I just report them..

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    5. Isn't that furthering the stereotype? :)

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    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    7. My point is that we only look at the stereotype, and don't bother to know the actual person behind the stereotype. By saying that a certain community is a certain way, 'reporting it' as you say, its just feeding into that.

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  2. Agreed, In a world where perception is reality, stereotypes reflect the nomenclature to understand people. I don't endorse stereotypes. It's just a juxtaposition of the ignorance of an educated society with a random act within a community. Every culture and subculture goes through this and it's not correct.

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  3. Yeah, I agree with Aeshna. Our experiences, our parents' teachings, and our own experiences make us more of who we are than where we are from. I have a Bengali colleague who will shock you with her fluency in Punjabi. Why? Because she has lived all her life in Delhi (because Bengalis was the example chosen here).
    What people confuse as traits of a certain region are really just traditions that our parents and grandparents have carried on from their childhood, their roots. It then depends upon us if we take these traditions forward blindly or understand and interpret them our own way. That's where richness of a culture comes from.

    -G

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  4. My motto: Butter Chicken Khao, Sab Bhool Jao.

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    1. LOL that's an impressive argument, Sacred East Wind.

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