Things I Really Want to Say to Women on the Metro (but Can’t)

1. I do not need to hear the music from your cell phone. Please get earphones. Please.
2. If you’re going to be standing next to me for about an hour with your arm up, how about some deodorant?
3. There is no need to stare at my face. Look over my shoulder or out the window.
4. Black bras show through white tops. I promise.
5.         I can only ‘shift’ and ‘adjust’ so much. I ain’t no contortionist.
6. You do not need to shove me towards the door; even I’m dying to get out.

See you the next time my car is being repaired because my husband totally did not see the pile of bricks he reversed into.